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Get the whole Horn series, Fillet of Horn, Horn Stew and Larapin Horn for $65 pp.

by Darol Dickinson

So every reader starts out on even footing, I’ll tell you that the word larapin is mostly Midwestern, Southern, and Western. Festus used it thrice on Gunsmoke. The on-line Community Dictionary says that it means “Over the top in delectable flavor, seasoning, and texture. Superior taste in the food, sauce, drink, or dessert. Memorable meal.”

Now that there is no confusion, larapin is what everyone wants in a great meal. So, as verbalized food goes, my goal is to make Larapin Horn the absolute best in country, western, and seriously unadulterated flavor. It should have the right spiciness, stick in long-term memory, and be totally different from your last book-meal—even better.

Follow along the Larapin trail and watch at every turn—not just for old-fashioned banditos and thug-whoppers, but also upscale white-collar criminals, government agents lurking behind the barn, and some technical legal tips for using the IRS’s own regulations to avoid tax increases. It’s all just simple stuff, if you’re ready for it.

Learn why John Wayne, while filming The Alamo (1960), purchased a huge Texas Longhorn steer from the Longhorn association president Jack Phillips, then how within minutes cast members of Santa Anna’s Mexican army killed the steer and ate him. Learn the art of babysitting grandkids without spending prison time for child abuse. Follow the account of event promotion using Hollywood celebrities for frolic and profit. Get the full story behind the daily stampede of Texas Longhorns through downtown Fort Worth. Learn from a boy and his bike the difference between peddling and pedaling for ranch-marketing success. Find proven techniques for hiring former convicts and not having everything stolen from the property. And last but not least, pick up real-world tips on buying and selling ranches for profit.

You’re welcome to dog-ear or underline the best stuff with a crayon or can of spray paint.

You will not drop off to sleep while reading Larapin Horn.